Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Deuteronomy 31:6

I'm claiming this verse for the day - week - month - probably for a life time. Ha. 


6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”


I continue to remind myself that as each struggle and challenge that comes my way - that I must deal with it and handle it because another one will more than likely come along shortly there after. SO if this is the case, I can only hope and pray that I handle each challenge gracefully. 


Grace: "Seemingly effortless beauty or charm of movement, form, or proportion." 


God's definition of Grace: "unmerited favor".


Either way - I want to be able to handle challenges thrown my way better than I have in the past. Which is a challenge in itself as well.


While I tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve and say that my life is an open book... there are still deeper issues, hurts and pains that I rarely share with others.


Today, this moment in my life, I feel a loss of control, lack of joy, uncertainty, and frustration towards God. I've been told it's alright to be mad at Him. Why not? I have a relationship with Him and in relationships you talk stuff out and say how you feel. So yes, I'm frustrated because everything to this point in my life seems so...not what I expected. 


All my life I've grown up with people around me telling me to, "trust Him, to ask God for answers, believe that He has a plan for every thing that happens." Honestly, me and trust - well I'm not so great at that. And while I have asked Him for answers and believed that He has plans for me, I've felt like that's often been an easy line for people to say to me when they can't come up with good answers or find the right words to say when I am hurting. In the end, I come up empty and feel more alone.


I go to church. I'm in a Bible Study. I pray. Yet, I still feel so far away from those around me and from God Himself. Where is God? Why don't I feel Him the way others feel Him? Why do I feel as though He's always pissed off at me and trying to continually throw down consequences on me for past sins and mistakes I've committed? Why does doing the "right thing" feel as though I'm getting nowhere? 


AND SO...with all this in mind, I've decided that I need to seek out my Heavenly Father more. I heard on the radio just the other day that if you want to hear God, you must make time to listen. In the midst of all my life's chaos and madness, I don't really think I've taken the time to listen.


OK, so here's my disclaimer. When people blog about spirituality and issues related, I feel like they can come across as a know-it-all holier than thou person without fault. Let me tell you right now - this is not me. I'm full of faults, sin, and imperfections as far as the eye can see... I just know that I'm tired of doing this all on my own. AND if there truly is a God that loves me and wants to go through my fires with me, I'm going to give Him a shot. 


So I'm claiming this verse - for so many reasons but mostly because right now I need courage to face my trials, my stresses, and mainly - just life in general. 


God --- give me strength --- give me grace!

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