Sunday, January 29, 2012

The last Sunday in January 2012

I'm feeling extremely grateful for self-control at the moment. I am about 1.5 weeks into my eating better, counting calories and working out regimen. In that time I've lost 7 pounds which continues to spur me on. I'm thankful for My Fitness Pal and Pinterest for also inspiring me. I've many more pounds to lose, but I needed a good start to help me press on. Whew!

Life is pretty good. Before church this morning I went for a run. I've been using an app called Couch To 5K . It's not so that I can train for races, but merely for the fact that I want to start running. I have never been a running enthusiast. In fact, I hate running. My friends all know this to be true because I'm very vocal about it. So when one of my workout buddy's told me to try out this app because she thought I'd appreciate running better, I decided to trust her and I downloaded it. I've got to say, I love the app, I love the program and I'm actually anxious to do the running workouts. Last week I ran 4 days. That's huge. And one of those days was a snow day!

After my run, I quickly cam home, fueled the body and go the kids read for church. I was blessed with a great message from the Radical Road series Pastor Romberger is preaching on. Came home for lunch and then decided that we should all go for an afternoon hike...something that we've never done as a family before. We loaded the kids and the dogs into the car and headed south just about 10 minutes outside of Denver to a trail that I found on the internet.

After working for 9.5 hours yesterday coaching, I was anxious for some down time and so today was perfect. I'm content right now. I tweeted the other day that there's something about the feeling of control upon your life. When I am in control of my eating and my spiritual life - I feel as though everything else in my life is manageable.  It really was a great Sunday Family Funday. 

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Deuteronomy 31:6

I'm claiming this verse for the day - week - month - probably for a life time. Ha. 

6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

I continue to remind myself that as each struggle and challenge that comes my way - that I must deal with it and handle it because another one will more than likely come along shortly there after. SO if this is the case, I can only hope and pray that I handle each challenge gracefully. 

Grace: "Seemingly effortless beauty or charm of movement, form, or proportion." 

God's definition of Grace: "unmerited favor".

Either way - I want to be able to handle challenges thrown my way better than I have in the past. Which is a challenge in itself as well.

While I tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve and say that my life is an open book... there are still deeper issues, hurts and pains that I rarely share with others.

Today, this moment in my life, I feel a loss of control, lack of joy, uncertainty, and frustration towards God. I've been told it's alright to be mad at Him. Why not? I have a relationship with Him and in relationships you talk stuff out and say how you feel. So yes, I'm frustrated because everything to this point in my life seems so...not what I expected. 

All my life I've grown up with people around me telling me to, "trust Him, to ask God for answers, believe that He has a plan for every thing that happens." Honestly, me and trust - well I'm not so great at that. And while I have asked Him for answers and believed that He has plans for me, I've felt like that's often been an easy line for people to say to me when they can't come up with good answers or find the right words to say when I am hurting. In the end, I come up empty and feel more alone.

I go to church. I'm in a Bible Study. I pray. Yet, I still feel so far away from those around me and from God Himself. Where is God? Why don't I feel Him the way others feel Him? Why do I feel as though He's always pissed off at me and trying to continually throw down consequences on me for past sins and mistakes I've committed? Why does doing the "right thing" feel as though I'm getting nowhere? 

AND SO...with all this in mind, I've decided that I need to seek out my Heavenly Father more. I heard on the radio just the other day that if you want to hear God, you must make time to listen. In the midst of all my life's chaos and madness, I don't really think I've taken the time to listen.

OK, so here's my disclaimer. When people blog about spirituality and issues related, I feel like they can come across as a know-it-all holier than thou person without fault. Let me tell you right now - this is not me. I'm full of faults, sin, and imperfections as far as the eye can see... I just know that I'm tired of doing this all on my own. AND if there truly is a God that loves me and wants to go through my fires with me, I'm going to give Him a shot. 

So I'm claiming this verse - for so many reasons but mostly because right now I need courage to face my trials, my stresses, and mainly - just life in general. 

God --- give me strength --- give me grace!

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Page 3 of 366

Coffee in hand, here I am sitting down at the computer ready to type up my first blog entry for the new year. 3 days in and I'm feeling pretty good. Really good actually.

New Year's Eve I got back in touch with a friend, we'd had a huge falling out about two months ago and we're starting to work through it. It feels so good to know that particular friendship is not completely dead in the water. I love my friends and family. My life isn't based on material items that I can accumulate, but instead on the relationships that are formed. I'm certain that in my own life - my purpose in life is all about relationships. I eat, crave and need relationships to keep me going. Not with just friends but within my own family. I love my family and friends. Wait, I've already said that.

I'm not setting huge resolutions for 2012. I've been doing the new year - start fresh thing for nearly 38 years now and well... I'm realistic. I just want to make the best of myself and try to do better than last year. Who agrees with me that a messy house causes stress? So I started getting emails from FlyLady in hopes of decluttering and making my home a place where not only I want to come home to, but others as well. In the past few years I've realized that I don't want a huge house because it's just too much to clean and I'd be stressed all the time. Instead, my dream home is a smaller home with character and charm, and let's not forget the wrap around porch in front. Big enough to entertain others, but small enough to keep my family close to me.

Lastly on my heart... my workouts. Of course. So a few days ago I put my membership on hold at the Crossfit box I've been WODing at for the past year. It was somewhat of a hard decision for me, but I'm having a hard time separating myself from the cost of it and the financial obligations I have with the kids and gymnastics and sorts. I've started running. No, I'm not kidding. Those of you that have known me for years know I ran track and field in college on a scholarship... and yet - running anything more than 200m = pure hatred. Well, I'm trying to overcome that. With the encouragement from a friend, I downloaded the Couch To 5K app to my phone and I've started doing the workouts. Crazy, but I kind of like them, almost to the point where I'm looking forward to the run for the day.

I definitely want to get back to Crossfit, I am missing it already. I've just figured out this past year that I need more cardio in my life. It's been over a year now since I resigned from teaching aerobics. Do I miss it? Not in the least... but I've gotta say - that cardio helped me out more than I knew at the time. I've got a goal to lose a significant amount of weight. I'm not sure how long it will take, but I need to do it. Pray for me to stay motivated. I'll need encouragement as well from my friends and family. I know how this journey goes, I've done it before. It's hard and tough and as much as I don't want to tackle it - I know I must.

WOW. Did I just write all that? I remember when I first started this blog, many moons ago it was originally so that I could encourage others and motivate others to be amazing. As much as I'd still like it to be that way, I've decided to take it in another direction and just blog about myself, family and day-to-day activities. A more personal blog. I'll probably lose a few of you (sadly) but for me - I need this therapy. My FB page though I'm trying to keep a more upbeat positive vibe. Check it out if we're not friends yet!

Happy New Year!