Hello self-confidence... where'd ya go?

So here it is, nearly 4 months since I last blogged. The summer blew by and without much regret. Much regret? We had one vacation planned for the summer and it fell through. My only regret is not planning something else. I loved every minute with my kids and my husband and my friends. I am thankful and I am blessed!

What's been on my mind???

I'm sure I've struggled with the issue of not feeling like I fit in at times. I mean, I know I struggled a lot with that in high school. As I got older I feel as though I've left that behind me and become more confident with myself and my abilities. So just recently - almost two weeks ago actually, I was dealt a hand that I wasn't expecting. I was at a social event that I normally feel fairly confident and able to hold my own at. This particular time, I failed - I completely lost confidence and doubted my abilities to carry on a decent conversation with any strangers that might try to strike up conversation. What was my deal? What the heck?

It only gets worse from there. I let the memory of the awful and awkward event remain in my head and in my heart - and for days I stewed over my inability to fit in. I began to see myself in high school again and I began to see myself quickly becoming a social outcast.

Now deep down, I believe we all long to be accepted and to be loved. It's a normal and natural feeling. I'm normal - I feel it. I get it! So what have I done?

I allowed myself to wallow in my own self-pity for about a week. I let myself vent and talk it out with a few close friends of mine, and cherished their sweet loving words of compassion and acceptance. When it all comes down to it - isn't it their opinions of me that should matter most? Not some stranger or acquaintance that I run into from time to time. So I began to change my attitude. I began to look at people differently. I began to ask myself, what if that person I'm so afraid of pleasing - feels the same way about me? How narcissistic of me to think that they would even be thinking about me - good or bad. What if they weren't even placing judgement on me - what if they were just minding their own business and here I was trying to make something more out of it than necessary? The what if's...

Two weeks later and I think I've accomplished it - not completely of course, I think it's a constant work in me. BUT here it is - I'm living my life for me and my family. I'm doing what's best for me and not worrying about what others might think in the process. Forget about them, if they don't like me now - chances are they never did and never will. So buck up - move forward and live confidently knowing that each day I grow stronger building my confidence back up and perhaps even stronger than the first time.

Easier said than done? Don't you know it?!? But I take joy in seeing myself make the most of myself and each moment I am given here on earth. And that's something I'm confident about! Don't let others thoughts or words bring you down. Who knows if those people actually even think or say the things that you "think" they've said?

Move on - move forward - live amazingly - you are amazing!